“Lord, have mercy.
Have mercy on me, Lord.”
(from Requiem by Heather Sorenson,
“Kyrie”)
For once, the capricious Simon Peter chose to be still and know not to ask the Master whom he meant when he announced at the Last Supper, one of his twelve disciples would betray him, a chorus of voices asking, “Lord, is it I?,” Jesus seldom giving a straight answer. Peter feared he knew, so signed to the disciple Jesus loved to ask the impossible Who?
Peter’s life and living had been sustainable before this man appeared early one morning on the shore of the Lake of Gennesaret after Peter and his companions had fished all night, catching nothing. The man could see they were cleaning their nets, but he said for them to “‘Put out into deep water and pay out [their] nets for a catch'” (Luke 5: 4-5). Simon Peter replied they had fished all night long with nothing to show for it, but for some reason he agreed to try again, and this began his new stream-of-consciousness living.
Of course they caught fish enough to fill two boats to the point of sinking, and Simon Peter recognized a miracle and fell at the feet of Jesus, saying, “‘Leave me, Lord; I am a sinful man'” (Luke 5: 8-9). Jesus looked hard at him and said, “‘You are Simon son of John; you are to be called Cephas’–meaning Rock” (John 1: 42). “‘You are Peter and on this Rock I will build my Church. And the gates of the underworld can never hold out against it'” (Matthew 16: 13-19). And Peter left everything and followed Jesus, professing that Jesus was the “Holy One of God” who had “the message of eternal life.” To whom would they go? (John 6: 67-71).
The rest, for Peter, is a vortex of praise and pardon, bravado and anxiety, faith and fear:
Walking on water with the Master until Peter felt the force of the wind and looked from Jesus’s face to the white-capped waves, took fright and began to sink. “‘Lord! Save me!'” Peter cried, and “Jesus put out his hand at once and held him. ‘Man of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?'” (Matthew 14: 22-33).
Witnessing Jesus’s Transfiguration on the mountaintop, with Elijah and Moses, Peter (with James and John) was “so frightened” (Mark 9: 6-7) he did not know what to say, babbling about making three tents, one each for Jesus, Elijah, and Moses. Then Peter heard what could only be the voice of God: “‘This is my Son, the Beloved. Listen to him'” (Mark 9: 7-8). Who wouldn’t be struck incoherent!
Trying to appear effusively generous with how many times he should forgive someone who had wronged him, Peter boasted, “‘As often as seven times?'” I’m thinking Peter was considering how often he might need forgiveness. Jesus, instead, placed no limits on forgiving: Seventy-seven times. Seventy-times-seven. (Matthew 18: 21-22, and footnote “k”).
Exampling the servant leader, Jesus proceeded to wash his disciples’ feet, but Peter said, “‘Never! . . . You shall never wash my feet,'” maybe thinking back to asking Jesus to leave him, a sinful man not worthy of Jesus. Then, of course, when Jesus told Peter, “‘If I do not wash [your feet], you can have nothing in common with me,'” Peter immediately said for his Master to wash not only Peter’s feet, but his hands and head as well!'” (John 13: 1-16).
And at the Last Supper, Jesus revealing that one of the twelve disciples is going to betray him, Peter boasts, “‘Lord . . . I would be ready to go to prison with you, and to death'” (Luke 22: 33-34). Jesus responds gently, telling Peter, “‘Simon, Simon! Satan, you must know, has got his wish to sift you all like wheat; but I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail, and once you have recovered, you in your turn must strengthen your brothers'” (Luke 22: 31-33). Then he silences Peter with: “‘I tell you, Peter, by the time the cock crows today you will have denied three times that you know me'” (Luke 22: 34).
And that is exactly what Peter does. And the four Gospels do not offer an explanation for why Peter, with seeming conviction, swears he is not a follower of Jesus: “‘I do not know what you are talking about.’ . . . And again, with an oath, he denied it, ‘I do not know the man.’ . . . Then he started calling down curses on himself and swearing, ‘I do not know the man.’ At that moment the cock crew” (Matthew 26: 69-75), “and the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter, and Peter remembered what the Lord had said to him. . . . And he went outside and wept bitterly” (Luke 22: 61-62).
It makes no sense. Why would Peter deny Jesus? I need to understand. We need to understand. It seems possible that Peter was not thinking what he was saying. I have done so and later wondered why did I say that. Or maybe Peter, like the other disciples, was still in shock at Jesus being betrayed by Judas and taken before the Sanhedrin. It is also possible that Peter was angry at Jesus for not resisting arrest, resulting in Peter’s impulsive, clumsy, attempt at protecting Jesus, brandishing his sword and cutting off the high priest’s servant’s right ear, then being scolded by Jesus: “‘Leave off!’ he said, ‘That will do!’ And touching the man’s ear, he healed him” (Luke 22: 47-51; John 18: 10-11). And maybe, most of all, Peter’s denials were the result of fear and shame each of the disciples felt upon abandoning Jesus after his arrest: “Then all the disciples deserted him and ran away” (Matthew 26: 56). It makes no sense. Like so many things we flawed humans do.
What we can be certain of is that it is Jesus’s look that devastates and convicts Peter, but unlike Judas, Peter does not despair. He will be the first disciple to enter the risen Christ’s empty tomb, now understanding “the teaching of scripture, that [Jesus] must rise from the dead” (John 20: 1-10).
Then later, by the Sea of Tiberias, the risen Jesus appears to the fishing disciples, prepares another Last Supper-Breakfast, and helps Peter accept his denials by asking him three times, “Simon son of John [not ‘Simon Peter’], do you love me?'” And when Peter says, “‘Yes, Lord, you know I love you,'” then three times, Jesus commissions Peter to “‘Feed my lambs’; ‘Look after my sheep’; “Feed my sheep'” (John 21: 1-17).
The Acts Of The Apostles, the book immediately following the four Gospels, details Peter’s inspired preaching on the day of Pentecost, preparing for the spreading of the Good News of Christ’s gospel to all people:
“My little children, . . .
I give you a new commandment:
love one another;
just as I have loved you,
you also must love one another.
By this love you have for one another,
everyone will know that you are my disciples'”
(John 13: 34-35).
The message of Easter is not only for the Apostle Peter. It is for each of us our message of Forgiveness and Grace. Peace For The Soul.
A Thin Silence 